Mad Hatter

by bonnie azoulay in

   Save for the occasional baseball cap on stormy days and the only winter wear accessory that will prevent frostbitten ears, HATS in general, make me go MAD. Like, I still don’t understand how that Caps For Sale man from my favorite childhood book made a profit.

  In the words of T-Swift, I just can’t make them stay.

  I bought the woven fedora and thought I’d gallop away with it on a horse somewhere in Mexico but it never left my carry on. I tried the sun hat. Not because mom wasn’t constantly telling me to slather my face in SPF 50 but because I wanted to look like a woman from the French Riviera. Instead I just looked like a girl in Aruba trying to look like a girl in Aruba. I ditched the sun hat on a lounge chair, told it BRB like a date gone awry—but never actually BRB’d. Couldn’t wear that thing at Loch anyways. I even tried the beanie until I quickly realized I’m not hipster enough and that if I wanted to live in Williamsburg my babysitting paycheck would not cover the rent.

   With the 70’s resurgence at its peak, the Mila Kunis in me was on the prowl for an inspired floppy hat. What I found was an array of black or camel colored summer ‘15 felt hats. Have we forecasted a cold summer? If so, I’m moving to Florida and retiring with my grand-folks. Get this though, I spoke to a millinery and he said girls at Coachella are predicted to be wearing felt hats and that he’s seen girls in Cali even wearing them to the beach. If that means no more flower headband wearing flower- child-wanna-be’s then I’m all for the sweat-induced felt hat trend.  And upside is you can wear it all year round now.

I bought this black-hat looking one (my brother almost took it to shul, I swear) from Topshop and I’m determined to make it stay. I kept the tag on though, just in case.

Here are some Spring/Summer 15 style hats: