Happy 1 Year Anni!

by bonnie azoulay

    Happy one-year anniversary Bon To Be Wild! Cheesiness aside, we really have come a long way you and I. For starters, the reason I created you and nursed you like my own child this whole year was because you are a testament to my beliefs. I’ve come to learn though, that one’s beliefs change significantly over the course of a year. After reading over Coffee and a Bagels and other old posts this past week, I can honestly say I don’t agree with half the things I’ve said in the last year. I’ve been experiencing “growing pains” from the values and opinions I used to hold. But maybe the same way a millennial jumps around with career paths, millennials can jump around in opinions.

   I now allow my guy friends to pay for our excursions if they offer-- I think that change came with age. I learned to take things less offensively. I still don’t believe in love at first sight but I learned that you don’t always have to lust someone first in order to love them later. I even read the letter I wrote to my future self and was very proud at how confident I sounded when at the time I was trying to convince myself of something I really didn’t believe. Thankfully I’m at the peak of building my career and have worked with so many wonderful people. Winter hasn’t been cramping my style like it did last year because global warming has invaded our earth’s atmosphere. Whatever that means. Since the pesach series i've yet to wait on anybody but have also learned to stop chasing after people and let them come to you. And about the pressure I said we all feel, I still think it comes from ourselves. 

 Oh And I still don’t like gladiators.

 Another premise to my blog was showing girls how we’re all thinking the same thing. I wanted to be relatable and use my writing, my voice, to do something good. I wanted it to be a place where people can mutualize and say, "I feel the same way." And then we can laugh about it. I tried so hard to be prudent about what I wrote and I knew how writing can get so misconstrued. I’ve had to take a criticism, which isn’t my strongest suit, and really try to be cognizant of how people would respond to what I wrote. One time, someone personally messaged me that I offended them and I totally agreed how what I wrote would not resonate well with people. I took that post down right away. I never ever want to offend anyone with this blog, it was meant to empower girls to do great things and mutualize over our common thoughts.

   Someone whom I've never exchanged words with before approached me last week at a party and said the following (paraphrased): “You’re the famous Bonnie. I read your posts and don’t agree with a lot of your views. But I know you love that kind of stuff—that controversy.” The main reason for Bon to Be Wild’s existence was certainly not to be famous or to start arguements or to make anyone feel bad. It was for myself. It wasn’t to gain viewers or make money off of it.  It was something I could be proud of. Something I can be dedicated to and consistent with. I needed a way to really own who I was.

   Too often I come up with a brilliant idea only to let it fall through the cracks. I wouldn’t allow myself to do that with this project. I realized in the process though that everyone is going to have different views and different humor like that girl said at the party. Not every girl is going to say, “I feel the same way,” like I originally hoped. It’s scary to think someone can use your writing as a first impression or pass judgments because they never met you. I was very afraid of that from the start. Thankfully though, overall I've really received such wonderful feedback. 

   I have so much to say. (And I think my parents are sick of hearing me blabber about everything and anything on our Friday night table) Kidding, they’re so supportive. So I'm going forward with this project of mine. Because you don’t just abandon your baby! We’re in it for the long haul. And I hope you guys gain ONLY good from it. 

Sincerely, Bonnie